I didn’t, however, promise that I’d never eBook about it (And he’s foiled again! Darn that modern technology!)
Okay, are you back? Wasn’t that bizarre? I mean, really, have you ever heard of such a thing? Oh, no no no no, wait, before you answer that, let me answer some questions for you.
A: No. That is not just like the time your aunt saw a raccoon on her porch. It is not the same. Not by a long shot. It also does not equal to that time that you heard that rats can come up into toilets from the sewer. And here’s why. Have you ever actually known anyone who had a rat come out of his or her toilet? No, I didn’t think so. And B.) Did the rat from the sewer crawl up on this person’s head while she was horizontal and in the dark. No? Yeah, they’re not the same. One is an urban myth. One involves my actual head.
B. No. It is not true that I had only told my mother this story. I did tell everyone within shouting distance the next day. Including some PR people in NYC who countered with the fact that they had heard that rats can come up from the sewer (see above. not the same thing.) And I told Gabrielle, and Laurie, and Deb, Susan, and Stephanie, and Amy the whole thing over dinner one night in New Orleans. And they responded completely appropriately. In their own ways. Thank you, friends. I told a number of others throughout the week as I was processing my PTSD. When I told Maggie, she wisely said, “Man, if that’s not a sign from the universe, I don’t know what is.”
C. No. I don’t know what that means. I have no idea why the universe is trying to scare me to death. If you know, then let me know.
D. No. We’re not 100% sure how it got in. Once all the drama was over, we spent about an hour in the middle of the night searching for the portal. We believe it joined us by way of a small hole that we didn’t know existed in a bathroom cabinet. The hole was inadvertently created during some bathroom construction. Pier and beam house. All that. The hole is now closed, and that’s that. But I’m still not 100% convinced that this is over. I continue to think I have a family of these bad boys living under the bed, a family that is waiting to pounce at any minute. With hissing. Lots of hissing.
E. Yes. Just thinking about this gives me the willies.
F. Yes. I think I would like a beverage.
And I think those are all the questions that I can answer right now. If you have more, leave them in the comments and I’ll try my best to answer them.
And thanks for buying the book. You, my friend, are helping pay for the therapy that it will take me to be able to sleep through the night again. And for that, you possess my eternal gratitude.
And I’m not playing.