Above photo by Better in Bulk.
As I know I’ve mentioned before, my friend Jenny is always coming up with these fantastic things that make her (and others) furiously happy. You probably know about our Beyonce adventure. And the Twilight wolf costume dance off. And the time she and her readers saved Christmas.
But now, as we’re looking ahead, making resolutions and starting fresh, I’d like to talk about something more personal, related to furious happiness…happiness in your own skin. Specifically, I’d like to discuss the brilliance of the Traveling Red Dress. I wrote about it a bit before Halloween and on Hitting Refresh on Babble, but I wanted to tell you about the red dress here too.
It started as a random idea. Jenny wanted to wear the dress but she couldn’t imagine purchasing it just for herself…she wanted to share the joy. Because there’s something a bit magical about that dress.
In Jenny’s words...
I want, just once, to wear a bright red, strapless ball gown with no apologies. I want to be shocking, and vivid and wear a dress as intensely amazing as the person I so want to be. And the more I thought about it the more I realized how often we deny ourselves that red dress and all the other capricious, ridiculous, overindulgent and silly things that we desperately want but never let ourselves have because they are simply “not sensible”. Things like flying lessons, and ballet shoes, and breaking into spontaneous song, and building a train set, and crawling onto the roof just to see the stars better. Things like cartwheels and learning how to box and painting encouraging words on your body to remind yourself that you’re worth it.
So she bought the dress. And then she wore it. And then she began sending the dress around to different people who needed it for whatever reason.
All for different reasons.
All have stories attached to them.
And there are many, many stories, more all the time…You can read about some of them here.
Or, you can even read about mine here.
As I said on Hitting Refresh, Jenny brought this dress over to my house on my 40th birthday and insisted that we do a shoot. I say insisted because she did insist, but also because I was uncharacteristically hesitant. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to do it…I really, really wanted to do it…but I was also really scared of it. The dress is intimidating. It’s large. And it’s red. And I was uncomfortable with that much energy being focused on me and actually on me.
But, if I’m really honest, I’ll tell you I was afraid of what the photos would look like. I wasn’t sure that they’d match up to the way I felt in the dress. Or the way I felt about myself at 40. It’s complicated. But on about four levels, I would say, I didn’t want to see myself. Because even though I still feel almost exactly like I did at 16, I know that I’m not. I’m not at all. The 16-year-old me was naive, and predictable, and safe. While my current self has lived enough and seen enough to know that life is anything but safe or predictable. Sometimes it’s shocking, disappointing, thrilling, and really scary. Sometimes it’s all those things at once. And sometimes the most shocking part is how you’re able to handle it, and how you’re able to wear it.
And that’s the thing about The Red Dress. It’s pretty intense to put on something so bold and really look at yourself, where you are, how far you’ve come. And like I said before Halloween, it’s true that there’s something about putting on a costume to become something new, something uncharacteristic, something better. But there’s far more exquisite power in doing this in an non-ironic, unabashedly ”Here I am!” kind of way. It takes guts to put a spotlight on yourself and look straight into where you really are, and who you really are.
Jenny and I had a long discussion about this last month…and her words have stuck with me ever since. She finally wrote about it here. And I’ll tell you, she is one of the strongest, bravest people I know. It’s really remarkable to see someone be so candid and honest about her real struggles and her real self.
My new year’s resolution, for all of us, is to be so brave in 2012.
And to be so daring to wear our own red dress, in the clear light of day, right where we are.
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After Jenny wrote her post and then this other post, people began using #silverribbons tweets to support, honor, and celebrate those battling depression. A lot of people even asked Jenny to offer them in her shop, but, as she says, “honestly, you can make them for free if you have a nickel’s worth of silver ribbon and a safety pin. If you do want to buy one though, you can buy them here and here. Any profits will go to donating new red dresses for The Traveling Red Dress Project.”
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1/8 Update: There’s been a red dress explosion! Jenny updated a lot of it here:
UPDATED 2012: The red dress is now years old and is a bit tattered but it’s still filled with magic and is currently on the road visiting people who need some magic in their lives. Ideally, we would have 15 red ball-gowns in various sizes all traversing the globe at the same time but I just can’t afford it. If your company is interested in donating red ball gowns, just drop me an email at advertising (at) thebloggess.com.
And then people started tweeting with #travelingreddress and offering and matching up and going crazy with it.
It’s inspiring. I’m inspired. And so, I just bought two red dresses.
I’ll send them to the next two people to leave a comment about why they need a red dress experience. And then those people will send it on, and so it goes, into the traveling red dress circulation of awesomeness.
Let’s do this.
I want to be brave. Now to find a red dress…
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How can I get my hands on that red dress? I have always said that if I get married, I will be wearing a crazy red dress. Since marriage or a relationship is not in the picture, I want to be able to celebrate my ME-ness. I’m turning 31 in March and would love to borrow it for a photo shoot w/ my cousin. I promise to return it! Please?
It’s perfect. We all are. XOXO
I found Jenny and then you last summer, my second summer unemployed and on the brink of exhausting my unemployment funds…I have a husband and two great kids and more friends than I have time to spend time with. I didn’t bother me to be unemployed; it bothered me that I couldn’t find my groove. I couldn’t find that creativity gnawing inside me, something that comes to me effortlessly like sarcasm or laughter. Thanks for reminding me about The Red Dress…its the spark I need for the new year! And, BTW, there isn’t a picture I’ve seen that captures my idea of The Red Dress better than yours, kicking your boot in the air. Again, thanks!
Love this! I think I may have to go out and find a red dress and then have a Red Dress Party. I’ll invite my friends and we’ll all take turns wearing the Red Dress and being fabulous.
How do I get the red dress?
The Red Dress reminds me that happiness is something that should be claimed constantly with no apologies. The Red Dress is a celebration of spontaneity, of gutsiness, of one’s self. Thank you for the inspiration!
Wearing that red dress was one of the most powerful experiences of 2011. Unforgettable. I love how this story keeps going on and how the dress keeps touching more and more people.
FABULOUS!!!! I am about to embark on a new adventure- literally- about to walk out the door to start something new. I sat here wondering if I should really wear the red shoes, and then found this post. Hell yes, the red shoes come on, and I think I may celebrate new beginnings with a new red dress. THANK YOU!
I’m just about to come off anti-depressants. I’m a little scared, no I’m terrified, but a red dress party sounds incredible! I think on the day of my last tablet, I’m going to host a party where the dress code is red and we’ll all be thankful that we’re alive and awesome!
Thank you, most sincerely, this helped me smile today.
I love the idea that Heather had about getting a dress and having a party for her friends. I think I will copy that idea and add to it – have a party for my 40 yr old friends and my pre-teen daughter and her friends. They are embarking on those dangerous, doubt inducing years and I want them to know now how perfect they are even when they aren’t. It has taken me 40 years to start to come to terms with that and I hope it might save them some anguish and self-loathing to learn young how perfectly imperfect they are and to embrace themselves because they are fearsome and wonderfully made.
The red dress scares me. Part of me would love to have it for one of my 365 day pictures. The other part of me feels incapable of doing the dress justice. I have never been a girly, pretty dress-up kind of girl. That’s maybe why I put “buy a fancy cocktail dress” on my life list. Of course now I realize that is incomplete. It should read “Buy a fancy cocktail dress with all the acessories and shoes and WEAR it!”.
I love everything about the red dress project.
I love everything about this post!
PS: I would like to see Lorraine in the red dress, please. You know she would kill it!
I am going to make red dress buttons with my button maker now, and silver ribbon buttons too. This is a great idea and I think I am going to do something similar. I am a teenager feeling depressed and I feel uplifted by all of this stuff. Now off to make those buttons!
I’m going to wear a red dress after I have my mastectomy. I’ll wait until I’m healed enough (obviously) and I might wear a red dress with a pair of falsies . . . or I might just wear it with my scars. Because those scars show that I’m choosing to still live life, even when I have to give up something that isn’t easy to give up.
My red hair has become like a “red dress” for me. I decided to dye my dark brown hair… bright red! Was that decision reasonable or sensible? No, not at all. It was fun, and just something I wanted to try. I did have to get over people staring, or making comments/criticisms (although there were many compliments too). But what it came down to was me deciding I was okay with myself.
I turn 40 in March and I vow to wear a red dress!!!
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How does this dress go from plus sizes to petite sizes? I see that women of all different sizes are wearing it. How?!? They all look beautiful in the dress, I’m just curious how this magic of size changing is accomplished. Thank you! =)
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Thank you! This is wonderful!
I would love to get my hands on that dress for my best friend, T. She had the courage to admit to me that she was having suicidal thoughts last week during a serious battle with postpartum depression. She is getting help and I couldn’t be prouder. What better way to celebrate choosing to live then an awesome red dress photo shoot???
I love what you and Jenny both are doing. I am a huge fan!
That dress has consumed me for the past few days. Do you think it travels over seas?
I would LOVE to wear that dress.
I am so sensible….
Once a year, I throw caution to the wind and go to a local sci-fi convention. During Con, I’m NOT sensible. I’m outrageous. I’m decadent. I’m furiously happy.
Once a year? Is not enough.
Besides, pics in that red dress? Would make my living room POP!
How do you get on the list?
I love this. Just saw the post from theBloggess. Fan freaking tastic!
read this post and thebloggess…how great is it to shift the thinking on what depression and anxiety is. Celebrating recovery and supporting is the way to go…definitley getting my silver ribbon
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I really enjoy your blog. I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award, which I hope you’ll accept and enjoy! The rules can be found on my page: http://ahmjustsayin.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/instead-of-what-i-should-be-doing/
this reminds me of a pair of very special red cherry shoes. yep, cherry shoes. they were lucite with a bunch of red cherries on the toe and they were fabulous. a woman i worked with at an ad agency really, really coveted them, but couldn’t afford them. and so began the red cherry shoe collection. everyone in the agency contributed to buy the cherry shoes. and on the day the red cherry shoes were due to arrive from fed ex – there was a red cherry shoe festival. everyone at the agency brought in red food – from redvines to cosmopolitans, and when the red cherry shoes arrived – everyone, men included, got to try on the red cherry shoes.
so, what i’m saying is — i think y’all need a traveling red dress festival.
These stories make me so happy. I could use some cheeriness in my life right now. It’s been a rough month, taking care of a sick child, getting sick myself and no insurance to fall back on. When I first read The Bloggess’s story about the red dress, I wept. This past year I’ve finally taken it upon myself to pursue writing as a full time career. It’s frightening at times, when I wrestle with my doubt, insecurities, and guilt. I am always cheered up when I find that there are other people out in the world, who are just as insecure as I am.
Please, could you send a dress my way? I’m a 14.
I would totally love to be a part of this project! A bold red dress is exactly what I need!
In March, I turn 30. I’m scared to death of 30 for some reason. Instead of fear, I would love nothing more than to celebrate my 30th with a red dress.
This has been bringing me to tears all day. Thanks to you and everyone bringing blessings to all of us who are lifted up by the retelling and wild imaginings.
i’d also love to wear that dress! how can that happen? i’m in snyder, west tx! let me know! dying to wear red!
Hey Laura … I LOVE THIS PROJECT. Love. How can you even pick where the dresses go?
Just putting my hand up here … thing is, I’m an Australian blogger. Next March is one of our biggest blogging conferences, and *if* I managed to get a hold of the dress I could take it to the conference and a lot of bloggers could be a part of what you’re doing. They’d go apeshit. I’d pay for the shipping costs, and post it straight back to you.
Happy goddamn 40th … you are a SPUNK. xx
following the red dress through the blogosphere is *almost* as much fun (and as inspiring) as wearing or seeing the red dress in person. I live in the Middle East, and I’m thinking that these arabic women in their black abayas & face veils are channeling their own “red dress-ness” when they wear abayas decorated with crystals and embroidery and brightly colored trim–their own way of saying “okay, I have to go along with things but NOT TOTALLY.” It’s not quite kicking up their cowboy boots, but it’s heading in that direction. I love this idea, love this celebration, and as someone who has passed forty and is heading ever closer to the NEXT decade, cough cough cough, I am going to spend some time thinking about what my own “red dress” moment needs to be. Thanks.
I WANT TO WEAR A RED DRESS!! How do I get involved? YAY! What a great idea!
I love the red dress… and I love what it stands for.
Some day, I’ll have my own red dress moment.
Trying to replace my wishbone with a backbone and I think the dress might help. L or XL
Thanks!
I’ll start off with the fact that I’m 18. 18 and still trying to find that inner confidence. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don’t. I know I’m still relatively young, but I feel like I’m letting life slip through my fingers. I don’t want to live this way. This isn’t living. Not at all.
I’ve just been so fucking scared of everything.
But what I want more than anything is to be brave, and bold, and to love myself so that maybe someday someone else will be able to, and even if not, what the hell, who cares?
I want to be able to look back and know that, yeah, I screwed up a thousand times, but I never gave up or gave in completely, and that I always ended up back in that red dress state of mind.
To read about these women, these women kicking ass and embracing what beauty really is, I understand what I have to do. I need the red dress, even if I never physically have one. Because every single fucking day should be a red dress day.
Seeing so many empowered women gives me hope. For my own life and for humanity. I aspire to one day be so real and courageous.
All of you are my heroes.
Thank you for existing ♥
i would love to wear a red dress… how can i be a part of it?
I love this post’! I love your dresses and I want to buy one, too! It is making me swish I had held onto a dress I wore as a bridesmaid for my brother’s wedding, red and beautiful … But I donated it, so I hope some young lady got to wear it to her prom and feel spectacular!
I will be 40 in October and plan a red dress or two in my future!
Yay! Have I told you that that picture of you with the red dress is one of my all time favorite pictures? It’s awesome. Also awesome, that red dress at the end of the post-mama likely!
I would love for the red dress to appear on my doorstep wrapped in magic and brighten my life right now. Like Harry Potter’s wand, I want it to choose me….
I see that those 2 are already gone. But I’d love to donate one. Where do I send it?
Paula, you are a saint! I will send you the address of the next person.
I love u ladies! In december I am working with “help-portrait” (look it up…its very much a red dress project) I would love to have a red dress for this event. Dec 8th. Please someone contact me!
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