That Sucks.

That Sucks.

“Excuse me. Your son is scaring my child.”

“My son? This one? But he’s not that scary. And he’s a lot younger than your son.” (said partially confused; and frankly, partially impressed)

“Yes. But. He’s scaring my son with his pacifier.”

“Wha, huh?

“My son has never seen anything like that before. And he’s scared of your son’s big blue plastic mouth.”

“Oh. Right. Well, then I think my son’s big plastic mouth is probably the least of your son’s problems.”

(okay, so I didn’t say that last sentence, but I thought it)


When did they become so freaking taboo? Like drugs, only worse. They’re not even cool. Plus, there’s no such thing as sex, pacifiers and rock n roll. Just sex leading to pacifiers, the end.

But very recently, at the Children’s Museum, I learned that they are not distributed by responsible parents. They are not used by future Harvard graduates. They have never been seen by some 15 month olds. Plus, they are very extremely scary. And. They are the mark of the devil.


I didn’t get the memo.

The Details

0 Responses to That Sucks.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Five. Count 'em. Five progeny all sucking Nuks to their collective hearts' content until the ripe age of 2 at which time Rosie the Golden Retriever "ate them".Bad dog.Stage over.No overbite. No withdrawal.No screaming playmates.

  2. Fizzle says:

    …if it gets them to quiet down but their a little slower on the trivial pursuit uptake later in life, so be it….

  3. lildb says: leads to pacifiers, the end.what about this one: sex leads to pacifiers which lead, however roundabout, to tubal ligations. I tried, I reallllly tried to get my kid to take a pacifier. no such luck. sigh.

  4. Betsy says:

    The only thing even remotely scary in that story is that mom. People kill me. They shouldn't by now, but they just do. I'm like a million billion times dead that's how much they kill me.

  5. Sinda says:

    You're a victin of Drive By Parenting – now that you've filed your report, we'll all be on the lookout for her.

  6. Kristin says:

    Wow! That is scary indeed! I hope she eases up on her kid as it sounds like he is headed for life in a plastic bubble. I had one who had a pacifier and two who have not- all are none the worse for it. Chalk that one up to the only scary person in that scenario was that Mom. I am guessing you might have been her only adult interaction that day- no wonder!

  7. KCG says:

    I'm a 35 year old Padrino who doesn't understand a word that any of you are saying. Really, what's this all about? Did a mom chastize you for using a pacifier? Are you serious? I'm never marrying a mom. They are weird.

  8. Girl con Queso says:

    Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes, we're very weird. We make people.

  9. whitesizzle says:

    I think you're missing the larger opportunity here. People like that overbearing harpy need someone responsible like you to tell them "SHUT THE F*#$ UP!"Try it. You'll like it. I know I do.

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