No, Really. You Shouldn’t Have.

Photo from Martha Stewart dot com.

I know ‘tis the season and all. But it’s beginning to look a lot like we have an issue. And the issue is scary. Scary wrapped up. We’re only four days into the holiday gifting season and the scariness is already raising its scary bowtrimmed head. That’s right. I’m talking about Christmas gifts. And Christmas gifts should be sacred, not scary. Sacred!

And by sacred, I don’t mean this...

Exibit A. Coach Jesus.
This dandy porcelain item is only one in a series of extremely-white-Jesus-is-right-there-next-to-your-kids figurines.
Scared yet? Well then check this out…

Exibit B. Touchdown Jesus.
Oh and it gets worse.
Please visit Cochinillo Del Fuego to see the entire collection.
(It's a must see. And don’t miss his hilarious commentary discussing both the theology and sports authenticity of the Good Shepherd statuettes.)

This is the kind of stuff the Padrino was talking about.

Please. Just. Say. No.

Tell you what. If you feel an undeniable urge to buy questionable crap, go ahead and get it out of your system. Buy it. And then send it to my fun friend Jenny. Because she will love it and squeeze it and call it George. (And maybe to Cindy too. Since she won Jenny's weird contest and obviously appreciates all that is scary.)

But really now, do you give scary gifts? Does someone else you know and love give gifts that puzzle, frighten, or freak your freak and not in a good way?

On that note, Lady M mentioned that bad holiday gifts always make her think of the reindeer jumper that Mark Darcy received in Bridget Jones. A good point. But then I got distracted by the perfection that is Colin Firth and forgot what we were talking about.

And yes, that is a link to the Colin Firth motivational cards. So speaking of Christmas...

(Okay, yes, those technically fall solidly under rule number seven. But then, technically speaking, they're not framed. And maybe it doesn't count if you're just being ironic... Then, technically, that's okay. Or something.)

Don't Drink and Shop.

Unlike many, over the past hours, we haven't been braving the malls, the superstores, the bargain stores, the anything. We went to the park.

But just in case you've been getting into the Holiday spirit; decking the halls; and bodyslamming fellow shoppers for Nintendos, Elmos, or parking spots; why not stop. Take a few moments, take a deep breath, and take some buyer-beware shopping tips from the Padrino. Especially if you're shopping for me.

Gifts to Avoid this Season
It's the thought that counts, but you don't want your loved one to wonder what the hell you were thinking. Here is my short list of gifts you just should not give ... ever. Some of you may want to disagree because you may, heaven forbid, like these things yourself, but you must trust me on this, no one wants to receive the following...Visit "Not That You Asked Me But" for the complete list of no nos, no hows, no ways. Especially if you're shopping for me.

As for us, we're shopping online. And we're almost finished. But if you're not quite ready to wrap up, here's a good place to start...

Especially if you're shopping for me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be a Mind Sticker.

As I read the entire Internet this past weekend, I found a few things that really stuck out to me. Stuck in my mind.

You might say they were mindstickers.

You'll see what I mean.
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For starters, there are many reasons that I wish I would have been in advertising back in the 1960s.

Here’s one.

Here’s another.

I found these on Snarkling Clean (actually, you can find another version there). They all make me laugh out loud. Everytime. Someone told me that, as a progressive female, she was offended by these. I can't seem to gather the composure to be offended because I can't stop the laughing.
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On the music-on-the-brain front, our favorite Padrino created an iMix on Not That You Asked Me But... It took me a minute or 80, but I finally figured out how to post one myself. (Mucho mucho props go out to the Padrino for helping me post my convoluted iMix image.)

So here's a mixed tape I made of a few of my favorite mindsticking songs that get in your head and won't leave.
This list is for you, Bek.
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In other news, Jenny and I had lunch today. She's having a Bring-Out-Your-Weird contest thing. And I'm not sure that she believes me when I say I seriously have no strange kitch in my streamlined, which is only a nice way of saying small, house. See, if we don't actually use something on any kind of regular basis, it's out the door. But if you, like her, live in a grand estate stocked with closets full of fun, funny, and bizarre, then by all means, enter her weird contest. If I know you like I think I do, you've got a real shot.
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Also, with the giving season beginning on Friday, now's not the time to buy yourself anything. But it's definitely the time to win yourself something. So do yourself a favor, and visit Design Mom's place. She's giving extremely cool stuff away everyday. Every day. Check it.
I told you she was the new Oprah.
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And finally, with this week's Holiday in mind, here's wishing you people a very Happy Thanksgiving. No matter what you're doing...visting with family, cold warring with neighbors, cooking for many, blogging, dancing, being clever, being pregnant, being Canadian, celebrating birth, missing friends, giving back, giving away, having fun, having sex. Whatever.

May you and yours have many blessings on the brain.

And, perhaps more importantly, may you always be a mindsticker.
A mindsticker who eats lots of turkey. And pie.

Easy As…

Being that this is Pie Month, I’ve not actually initiated all that many pie recipes at the Queso. So to catch up, here you go.

The recipes below are definitely retro, but you can't get them on Amazon. They're all from a very small town’s legendary church cookbook. And that is a very good thing, because everyone knows that the very best pies come from very busy kitchens in very tiny towns. Recipes baked for generations. Pies perfected over time.

So this Thanksgiving week, I’m giving a big thankful shout out to all the great grandmothers, great aunts, and great women who came before us, traveled through the hard way, and then paved it so that we can make it look easy.

Buttermilk Pie
(Southern style)

3 ½ cups of sugar
2 tablespoons of flour
A dash of salt
6 eggs, beaten
2 sticks of butter, melted
1 cup of buttermilk
1 tablespoon vanilla (I use 2 tablespoons)

Mix together sugar, flour and salt. Stir together eggs and butter than add them to the dry ingredients. Add buttermilk and vanilla. Bake at 350 degrees in an uncooked 9” pie shell (or dish lined with purchased or homemade pie crust) for 45-60 minutes or until firm.

Pink Lemonade Pie
(A different twist for Thanksgiving, but interesting. And silly easy.)

1 (8oz) can frozen pink lemonade
1 (9oz) container of Cool Whip
1 can Borden’s Eagle Brand condensed milk
A few drops of red cake coloring
1 graham cracker crust pie crust

Thaw lemonade and combine with milk and red cake coloring. Fold in Cool Whip and turn into a graham cracker crust. Chill for several hours before serving.

Aunt Luttie’s Deep Dish Apple Pie
(Very extremely old school)

8-10 sliced raw apples
½ cup of water
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 stick butter
1 cup sugar
¾ cup flour

Line bottom of buttered baking dish with apples. Pour cinnamon and water over apples. For crumb topping, work together margarine, sugar and flour. Spread evenly over apples. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes to an hour.

For more retro pie recipes, check out this book. You can also find my great, great, grandmother’s pecan pie recipe here, the HcQ’s favorite pumpkin pie recipe here, and good Queso reader recipes here and here.

Please feel free to post your own fave. And, by all means, hold on to your fork.

My Vote: Stevie Wonder

Public to Choose the New Seven Wonders of the World

GENEVA, Switzerland (AP) -- A global competition to name the new seven wonders of the world is attracting widespread interest, with more than 20 million people voting so far, organizers say. Candidates for the new list have been narrowed down to 21, including the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, Taj Mahal and Peru's Machu Picchu. The public can vote until July 6, 2007, by Internet or phone. The seven winners will be announced July 7 in Lisbon, Portugal.

VOTE HERE!

What’s your vote?

Delayed Gratification.

There’s something to be said about waiting. Honestly. I know most of us are not good at it. At all. We want what we want when we want it and we want it now.

Somehow the Hurricane has recently realized that this is the way of the world today. Magically and overnight, he’s become hip to the fact that he was born into a culture of instant gratification. When he wants the remote, the camera, the keys, the Blackberry, the coffee, the bleach, the knife, the fire, the whatever we have that we won’t let him have, he’s started to flail his body about in spectacular mini-fits. Laughable tantrums. One-year-old drama.

Because the boy’s very good at wanting what he wants. But thankfully, he hasn’t even begun to realize how oh so very much there is out there to want.

For instance, he doesn’t know there is a $30 billion industry called the toy industry. His favorite things to play with: water bottles.

He also doesn’t know that there’s something in this world called candy.

In fact, he just found out yesterday that there are these things that exist called apples. He knew apple juice, yes. Kind of. He’s had a few extremely watered down versions of that once or twice. But an actual apple? New. And oh my newness, you would have thought he discovered the Eiffel Tower.

He. Fell. In. Love.Because you can eat apples.

And you can throw apples.
And kick apples.

They’re a food and a ball rolled up in one. Fantastic.

Apples. I forgot. And when I really think about it, I can’t even begin to imagine what all he can’t imagine exists. I can’t mainly because I forget. I forget how many fantastic things there are all around us. Things like water hoses. Trains. Traffic lights. Signs. Birds. Leaves. Rain. The cabinets in his room…fantastic! The rocks in our driveway…so cool! The refrigerator in the kitchen…pretty much the most amazing thing ever! And this is what he reminds me everyday. He reminds me of the wonder all around us and the beauty of delayed gratification. So much to discover. It’s wonder parceled out in bits. Complete treats. To enjoy. To savor. To live. At our own pace. So we can really appreciate it.

So now I want to spread things out too. All the experiences. I now almost see them as purposeful delays. I try to look at things not as “oh I wish I could do…” but “how fun will it be when I…”

I now love looking forward to visiting places I’ve never been. I’ve never been to Italy. Or Africa. Or even Seattle. I never swam with a dolphin. Sent a message in a bottle. Written/finished a novel. Showered in a waterfall. Skied a double black diamond run. And the long list goes on. I keep thinking of things I’m looking forward to.

And I keep thinking of things I’m looking forward to seeing the Hurricane do. Like discover snow. Or lightening bugs. Or New York. Or peanut butter. Good God, peanut butter!

Because waiting to see him experience the next thing is like having a new, incredible cookie to look forward to eating everyday. Figuratively speaking of course, since he’s never had one of those either.

What are you delaying? And what are you looking forward to the gratification of experiencing?

Me? I’m joining the Hurricane in gorging on apples for the next week and a half or so. No fatty, sugary, excessive carby treats for me. No sir. Apples will do me just fine. And I’ll delay any kind of sugary gratification as long as I can. At least until after the parade. When the pies come out.

Happy Monday

Hi. First of all, we're incredibly excited that our Dynamo won the MLS championship last night. It was quite a game. So a giant congrats go out to our favorite team!

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Secondly, I like nice blogs. I always have. I try to always make sure this too is a nice blog. And by nice, I mean, not mean.

Cranky sometimes, yes. Snarky occasionally, of course. But not mean. That's different. And that's so not queso.

So in an effort to honor niceness and kind blogs everywhere, we're joining in the Kind Blog movement. It's a Chookooloonks initiative. Of course. Because she's cool. And kind. And has initiative. So we're in. We're a Kind Blog. And we're now officially designated as such. If only to remind me how valuable kindness is when I haven't had enough sleep.

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And speaking of that, it's currently 7:45 a.m. and the Hurricane is still asleep. This has happened exactly, um, never. That's right, zero times in almost 14 months. That's 14 months of no sleep. Count 'em.

Well, to be more accurate, he sleeps. But he's just an incredibly early riser. And I really do not like to be. Mainly because I like to stay up late. That's one reason that I'm cranky. (There are many others, that's just one.) Jenny also recently talked about this and had about a billion comments from people who also aren't sleeping. So, what that means to me, is A.) I'm not alone and B.) this isn't going to change anytime soon. Because I think this morning is just a fluke. Although I'll take a fluke anyday!

Is anyone else not getting enough sleep, and if so, do you have any tips? For sleeping more? For surviving on less? What?

Oh. And Happy Monday.

Happy Friday

It's my last day over at Design Mom's place. And it's been really fun. But two posts a day. Wow. I don't see how these JLoHighProGlo or NaBloPoMo or whatever people are doing this. So while this has been a fantastic week in so many ways, I sure am happy it's Friday. And that's what I'm talking about at Design Mom's place today. A few things I love, things I'm thankful for, things that make me happy this Friday. I'll give you a little taste here of one of the things I'm completely digging today...Treats
I've always said that eating sushi is like eating chocolate. Now it really is. Yeah, that's right. All this sushi IS chocolate. And you can find it here. Because candy that looks like sushi equals love.The above is made of white chocolate, dark chocolate and other yummy sweets. Even that plate is white chocolate and incredibly edible. Yum!

So that's me. Or at least that's one of the things making my day. The rest of my list is over at Design Mom's. But more importantly, what's making you happy this Friday?

Oh. And happy Friday.

House of Cards

As you know, around here, we have a pretty strict policy that we don’t even mention things holly or jolly until after Thanksgiving. But since I realized yesterday that Thanksgiving is only 15, now 14, days away, that means Christmas is only 45 days away. Which means Holiday cards will start going out in about 18 days or so. And I have no idea what we’re sending.

This is what I'm taking about today at Design Mom's place. Holiday cards. Christmas cards. Chanukah cards. All of them.

So visit me over there today and/or give me your seasonal greetings and tidings of good joy.

Life of Pie

“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.” --Jack Handy

Well, you guessed it. This month is PIE month con queso. If only because Thanksgiving, which is national pie day as far as I’m concerned, is just 15 days away. Wow. Can you believe it? 15 days. So between now and then, we’re going to be talking pie.

And that’s exactly what I’m talking about today at Design Mom’s place. So visit me there today to get HcQ’s most favoritest ever pumpkin pie recipe, (made with real ice cream).

But right here and right now, I’ll share with you a pecan pie recipe that’s been in our family for a long time. (We always have a lot of pecans, you know.) We can trace this simple but incredibly yummy recipe as far back as it being from my mother’s mother’s mother’s kitchen. And Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without a few of these around.

My Great, Great Grandmother’s Pecan Pie

Ingredients

3 Eggs
1/2 cup Light Karo Syrup
(the original recipe calls for a full cup,
but I like it a bit less sweet)
½ cup of sugar
2 teaspoons of vanilla
1 Tablespoon of softened butter

Directions
Preheat oven to 375 F. Mix together eggs, syrup, sugar, vanilla, softened butter. Pour it in a pie shell and arrange pecan halves on top. Bake pie on the bottom shelf of the oven for 20 minutes. Move the pie up to the middle of the oven, reduce the heat to 325 F, and bake for 20-25 more minutes. Done.
Do you have an incredible pie recipe? If so, please do tell. Please. Please! I do so love the pie recipes if only because they’re easy as, um, pie. So share your favorite pie flavor or recipe in the comments. Or link us to it!

Vote Today!

As much as I don't like politics, I sure do like to vote. And today's the day. So vote! The Design Mom has some fun ideas around voting. I'm sure my mom (and dad, The Councilman) will be having their annual election party. And as one commenter pointed out, it's very important. And of course, she or he is right. So do me a favor, vote!

And speaking of favors and parties and party favors, that's exactly what I'm talking about today at Design Mom. So visit me there. And leave a comment. And vote. Happy election day.

Design Mom is the New Oprah.

Sometimes I have this reoccurring dream that I’m a guest on Oprah.

Usually Gayle King is there too. And very often we’re reporting on and recounting about some incredible Colin Cowie party that we went to. For some reason. Of course, Oprah gushes and raves, always and every time, completely amazed at my party recount.

One time she gave me the you-go-girl, double-overhead-hand-hold high five.

Once Ashton Kutcher was there too. Seriously. Without Demi. I’ll go ahead and say that as much as I really do love these reoccurring dreams, I’m fairly certain that’s all they’ll ever be. Probably.

But seriously, and almost as good, Design Mom…that’s right THE Design Mom…asked me to be a guest blawger on her site. Seriously. So visit me there. Everyday. A lot. Because I’ll be a guest there every single day this week. And can Ashton say that? Um. No.

I Want Candy.

As you know, we have a medium strict policy at the Queso that I don’t talk about politics. There are many reasons for this. First of all, I seriously dislike politics in all its true definitions. Secondly, I dislike what politics has become and what it has come to represent in our country. Thirdly, I have to deal with it enough at work. And lastly, it’s just gross. So. Yeah.

But I will say that last week, we were alerted last minute that a city we represent would get a visit from someone who would inspire a lot of security checks, secret service, country music, and red, white and blue clothing. So, as a result, I started the week by spending ridiculous hours with a traveling press corps and a silly amount of reporters, making sure they had all the interviews and city demographic information they needed.

And then yesterday, I spent the afternoon with Marie. And got lost in the party that started a revolution. And although, this plot has a profoundly political back story, the movie was so very not. Political. At all. It was candy. Aesthetically pleasing candy. If you’ll remember, Sophia Coppola was once a fashion photographer. And it shows. The movie plays like an incredibly elaborate fashion piece slash music video. And the music, my got, the music. Amazing. Worth the price of admission. The music guides the story of what it would be like to be a teen queen of the world and/or France with a Bow Wow Wow soundtrack. Think Paris Hilton with a crown. Well, a real crown.

(But actually and sadly, Paris seems to kick some serious Marie Antionette arse in the extravagance department. After all, Marie couldn’t jet across the world in a moment’s notice. She never even saw an ocean.)

And on that note, as I was watching this, I realized that our excess benchmarks have raised so significantly, that what is supposed to look like revolution-inspiring, over-the-top living, just looks to me like an episode of Bridezilla. Because what was once extravagance, is now a normal Tuesday. For some.

But for others, not so much. There’s the other side of the coin that’s not quite as fun to watch. This side was not at all portrayed nor presented in the movie. Nor at the press conference. Its related issues weren’t addressed at either. Either. And while thinking on this coin side doesn’t give me the eye candy sugar high, it also doesn’t leave me with that bloated, nauseous feeling I get after watching too many Flavor of Love episodes.

Now don't be fooled and don’t forget. I’m a girl who loves a good party and everything that goes with it. Seriously.

But even I’m getting a bit hungover. And if I am, surely you are. You’re definitely more dimensional, more forward thinking, more we are the world we are the children than I am, aren’t you? Surely you are.

No, seriously.

And so seriously, tell me. What do you do to not get so freaking distracted from the serious issues?

And then, while you’re at it, tell me how you stomach the sides of snark, scare tactics, soundbites, agendas, ambitions, attacks, rhetoric, generalizations, simplifications, and really obnoxious pontifications that are always served with anything and everything branded serious.

(And please, while we're on topic, tell me what's with the constant and blatant finger-pointing? Good got. I’m so freaking over the finger-pointing. From every direction. As my three-year-old niece says, it’s not helpful to point. More specifically it does nothing. It solves nothing. And it’s pointless.)

See, I think this is a big reason why it's so hard to get serious these days.

Because it’s so much easier to talk about Reese and Ryan and America’s Next Top Model, and to get drunk on our stuff of choice, and to just say let them eat freaking cake. I mean, that’s pretty much what’s happening, right?

It kind-of seems so.

And it also seems to me, that if history does tend to repeat itself, our party party partying is eventually going to start another revolution. And are we really thinking it will be the revolution we’re wanting to see?

I’m not so sure.