It’s Like Rain. On Your Wedding Day.

July 19, 2013

I’ve had two wedding days, and neither of them featured rain, so I won’t pretend to know first-hand what that’s about. But I do know it’s not ironic…not even a little…even if it’s rarely what you planned. Unless you’re now expecting the unexpected, then it’s totally what you planned. See what I did there. I deflected. Or shifted, as they now say constantly in the biz.

Or as my grandmother would say, it’s good to be organized, but it’s better to be flexible.

And this week, I’ve had to be extremely flexible, which I guess is now the norm. But I’ve also had a really hard time getting things done. For starters, most of the things that I planned this week were outdoor-based. And it’s been raining. Buckets and buckets of raining.

Notice the completely dead grass in the background of the plants who have come out for a drink. Everyone is completely confused.

This is a super weird occurrence around here in July. The rain consequently triggered a lowering of temperatures by about 20 degrees, at least. Which is also weird. Especially because the rest of the country seems to be experiencing all kinds of heat right now. And not just outside.

This week’s news cycle and those affected by it, in it and through it…and really that’s all of us…has been pretty tough to take. But really, it’s been one thing after another all month. My Facebook feed, extended family conversations, and random stranger questions and comments are filled with vitriol about race, murder, gun control, abortion, choice, death, drugs and other joyfulness du jour.

So I’ve been doing a lot of listening. Processing. Thinking. With more listening. And more processing. And more still. And then more. Also, more.

And all the while, the sky is falling down on top of us. Chicken Little is too late.

We are flooded.

The last day that I remember feeling good was about ten days ago, the morning that I first started to feel this cold coming on. On that day, I was in Houston and had brunch with Karen. See that photo above? You can see a shot from the other side of the table over at Karen’s. You can also see what a real photographer’s photo looks like.

I’m pretty sure it’s also the last time I laughed. 10 days ago. That’s too long to go without laughing.

This rain and this cold is having its effect.

And my bananas were becoming too ripe. So I pulled out my favorite banana bread recipe from Aran Goyoaga which happens to be in the Kirtsy book. It’s been a while since I’d looked at the book that took all my attention about four years ago. And it was great to be reminded how really so good it is. How it represents a snapshot of a time when blogging was made up of more stories, fewer lists and greater ideas. I don’t believe that time is gone. I just believe it’s a bit cloudy right now.

The sun is coming back though, I can feel it.

And while the kitchen started filling with smells of sweet bread, this statement was made. And the clouds parted a little bit more for me.

Whatever side of the political fence you’re on, it’s always nice to hear a thoughtful statement (from either side) that calms and yet continues the conversation. I found this to be one of those times. The President covered a few points about things he feels should be done…

1. We should work with law enforcement to train at the state and local levels to reduce the distrust.

2. We need to examine state and local laws.

3. We need to think about how we help kids with positive renforcement. Gather together business leaders, clergy, professionals, celebrities, etc to reinforce value in African American men…and I would hope boys and boy culture in general.

4. We all should do some soul searching.

And 5. We need to not lose sight of the fact that things are getting better.

To be honest, I barely can imagine the specifics that would come from the general statements that he’s talking about here. But I do like the thought process…and especially the last two. I think anytime things get cloudy, it’s time to do some soul searching. And I do not want to ever lose sight of the fact that things are getting better. I firmly believe that, all around, in many cases, in many industries and on many topics. And I do not want to lose sight of that.

For the last week, I had lost sight of that.

And in the midst of this rain, I’m now working to focus on that. Things are getting better. Things will continue to get better. We just have to keep the conversation going.

What does this mean? No idea. And surely, no one really knows. But I do relish the break in the clouds that aims higher than 10 tips to do whatever, celebrity watch 2013, and whatever else we fill our brains with that just makes us feel worse about ourselves as humans. If we can dial down the attention grabbing fear tactics, it seems like there’s a pretty clear path to betterment that begins with us. And I think we’re closer than we believe sometimes.


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  • Reply Mom101 July 19, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I needed to read this right now. Thank you.

  • Reply Terri in SF July 20, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Even though it hasn’t been raining in San Francisco, my brain feels like it has been – for days. I’ve been SO angry and SO sad and SO upset about the world lately, not knowing how to express myself adequately…except to cry…a lot. And despair…a lot. And feel hopeless. I follow many black folks on twitter and I’ve been favoriting and retweeting and sharing the things that hit home, but have been reticent to engage because I’m not sure I have anything to offer…accept maybe my support and acknowledgement that most of what’s going on these days sucks and the hope that it’ll get better. Your words helped.

    Thanks. T.

  • Reply The Hook September 2, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Floods suck, but I love rain.
    Great post, though!

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