I'm Impervious To The Marketing.

I rarely fall into the Gap, but today I semi-accidentally did.

Because the Hurricane needed socks. Last night, we discovered (to use a lot of negatives) that he owns no socks that aren’t too small or too “girly” as Maria pointed out.

“Los calcetines del nene son para niñas.”

So, as I stumbled into Baby Gap and seized the opportunity to secure my 11-month-old’s manliness, I remembered why I don’t usually Gap. Because every freaking thing in there charges at least $24.99 for you to advertise for, um, The Gap.

Hi, My Mom Buys My Clothes At The Gap!

What, You Think I’m Cool? Well, That’s Because My People Shop At The Gap!

Hey, You Lady Babies, You Too Should Buy Your Clothes At The Gap!

Did I Mention The Gap? Well Just In Case You, Like Myself, Can’t Read, Hear Me Now As My Clothes Scream THE GAP!

I felt like a sellout. Like I was in the gift shop of a country star’s theme park or a major political convention. Like I’ve got to get the heck out of this Gappy place full of Gappy stuff or my Hurricane will be sporting something primary colored that says “My mom went to the Gap and all I got was this lousy Gap T-shirt.”

I mean, who do these Gap executives think we are? A bunch of Gap lemmings who’ll gladly dish out dollars without question or royalties to promote their Gap agenda? After all, we’re not just being bought, we’re buying! Well, no thank you. I, for one, am not a weak, mindless puppet just waiting to jump on the next train to….oh…wait…

And then I saw it…

Not in the Baby Gap,
but across many well-folded piles
in the attached Regular People Gap…

And somehow it all seemed right.

I moved in closer. And next thing I knew, I was two inches away from the in-store, point-of-purchase signage. I wanted to lick the lifesize Piven-shops-at-the-Gap-you-should-too poster, but thankfully the Misophobia kicked in. So I surveyed the Ari Gold Gap offering. And I knew, I knew!, that right then and there, I needed to buy my husband whatever shirts he, I mean, they were selling. It’s what had to happen. It was simply the right thing to do.

The Details

0 Responses to I'm Impervious To The Marketing.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hilarious. It's funny … you are a slave to marketing, and I'm an age-obsessed freak. The first thing that I thought when I saw this picture was, "wow, he looks great, and he's older than me, that's encouraging". Then the panic gripped me, "oh shit! what if he's NOT older than me, what if I'm older than this old balding guy!" I then frantically fumbled to IMDB to check his age, and oh the bliss to discover that he is not only older, but he's SIX YEARS older. So I at least have six good years left. I may be age obsessed, but at least I don't wear GAP socks.

  2. Mommy off the Record says:

    I like this guy too. There's something sexy about him…maybe it's the black and white half in the shadows peeking out from under his eyelids thing he's got going on. But I'm diggin' it.

  3. Super Zoe says:

    Ugh….Jeremy Pervin. GcQ, perhaps we have been friends so long because our taste in men has never, ever, overlapped. Except for Cangapalooza, but we both literally had head injuries. I will continue to buy the hurricane and La Guac non-Gap goods. Unless, of course, they are non-logoed and really cute.

  4. Jenny says:

    What did Maria say? That your son's baby's needed calcium?Am I reading that right?

  5. Fizzle says:

    That's how they do you. Throw out ManCandy advertisements and suddenly our kids are dressed like a pint-sized college professor with Gap labeling.(really? jeremy piven, eh? i'd like to do a litmus test: here's a random selection of faces in advertisements – rank which one would make you buy the most gap t-shirts: nicole kidman's bag of bones husband. benjamin bratt. hulk hogan. matt damon. denzel. oop, step off there queso. i heard you mumbling my george's name. leave clooney out of your tshirting)

  6. Jill says:

    I'm a sucker for good advertising. Target ads SO make me want to shop at Target, just like Subway ads make me want to steer way away. To answer the fizzle litmus test – I would buy a T-shirt off of Benjamin Bratt any day. Advertising aside, I will also say that Baby Gap offers really good socks and pajamas for small kids.

  7. Bek says:

    I hate that baby Gap puts their name on everything..but they only do it w/ the boys. I shopped at Gap for my daughter and never really ran into that…but since Cubby has become that size..well, I feel your pain. But they did have really cute Madras shorts and polo shirts this summer that my son pretty much lived in…so it can be hit and miss. Who would I buy a shirt from/for Fiz? NOT Sara Jessica Park, NOT anyone wearing skinny jeans…I'd have to say Denzel……. but only if he came with it.

  8. Super Zoe says:

    I would lick a shirt off of Matt Damon…and James Blake or Adam Scott. Not that shirts are meant to be licked off, but I would like to try.

  9. whitesizzle says:

    Hug it out, bitch.

  10. Catherine says:

    You had me at hello on this one. And then I changed my mind right along with you. YOU'RE GOOD.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>