A Ridiculous Tale of Incoordination + Discoloration, Told in Three Parts. Act I: The Spills, The Falls and The Blues.

A Ridiculous Tale of Incoordination + Discoloration, Told in Three Parts.   Act I: The Spills, The Falls and The Blues.

This is a story of a steep climb and far journey that began at least three months ago. It’s long and and it’s sorted and it involves me body slamming myself regularly, therefore I believe it requires to be told in at least three parts. So let’s do that.

August 18, 2012: The day had barely started. I was wearing some flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. Barefoot. In the kitchen. Making coffee while also making Harry a bowl of cereal and negatively responding to his impassioned and desperate plea to never ever be forced to have to ever eat cereal again ever. The next thing I knew, I abruptly and violently crashed down onto the floor, ass first, my hands still holding the bowl of cereal, as milk and Cheerios flew through the air and landed on everything.

So I broke my tailbone.

In my kitchen.

The next day, I got on a plane for Alt NYC.  So here’s your first learning: I do not recommend flying four hours to a conference where  you routinely  interact with people, frequently walk across the city and generally move around the day after you have broken your tailbone. Just a tip.

August 28, 2012: I go to The Salt Lick with Wendi and Laurie and one of them brings up an opportunity she has to go on an extreme adventure to promote extreme crackers, Jingos. I say, Extreme! I laugh that I can not handle extreme because for me, extreme is walking in my own kitchen. Danger! Adventure! Walking!

September 18, 2012: My tailbone is still killing me. Like really hurting. I recovered from an emergency C-section much more quickly than I am from this. When I was 29, I was in a severe car accident where I lost my mind and broke both of my hips. And that seemed less painful. What gives, body broken in my kitchen?

September 20, 2012: I woke up with a black eye. From sleeping. I got a black eye from sleeping.

So obviously, when you break bones from walking and get black eyes from sleeping, the next thing you should do…

You should climb up a very high, very small ladder onto a very high platform and then jump off of it.

September 27, 2012: I signed up for Trapeze Class. No one knows why. But here’s one thing you should know, I may not have skills or coordination, but I’m always game. Always. Just out of nowhere, my friend Liz was randomly all, “Hey, I want to do a flying trapeze class and I think you should want to do that too.” And because I thought she was Obi Wan or something, I was all, “Um, yeah. I never knew I totally wanted to do that but now that you mention it, I would be completely awesome at that. Brilliant.”

And then, just like that, me and my broken tailbone and black eye were all signed up and set to throw ourselves through the air on October 20, 2012.

Later that day, I got an email from a PR person at Jingos, wanting me to take the Jingos! Live Bold Challenge from Pepperidge Farm. To do something daring. Bold. Extreme. If I do it, at the end, I’m/they’re going to give you the opportunity to win an experience Cloud 9 Living experience valued at $150.00. I’m going to do it. I’m accepting their challenge. To jump off something very tall. Come back next week for more adventure (and the contest and stuff).

Tune in tomorrow next week for Part II.

 

 

The Details

6 Responses to A Ridiculous Tale of Incoordination + Discoloration, Told in Three Parts. Act I: The Spills, The Falls and The Blues.

  1. I’m buying you a helmet for Christmas. Like the kind you were everyday. Fret not, it will be bedazzled and will go with any outfit.

  2. alicia says:

    I’ve wanted to take trapeze class since FOREVER. So jealous. I might actually drive to Austin for that reason alone.

  3. Minnesota Red says:

    It’s age, girl, age. You are super cute, but your tail bone doesn’t care. This is why we should have tails to protect us, and you could use it on the trapeze too. Sometimes I wonder if God was even paying attention…

  4. If it makes you feel any better, I once broke my toe answering the phone. Then later I tore my ACL boarding an airplane, and then a few years later tore my other ACL leaving an airplane. I’m kind of the queen of embarrassingly mundane injuries.

  5. Pingback: A Ridiculous Tale of Incoordination Discoloration, Told in Three Parts. Act I: The Spills, The Falls and The Blues. - SAHM Solution | SAHM Solution

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